passion

I really think the reason why I need urban fantasy, sci-fi, and medieval fiction is because I need something to satisfy the gaping emptiness that reality has left me with. This hope that one day ill be more than this hopeless person who's only thing in life is to pay bills, reproduce, and die. The only realistic console I get is through animals but to normal people I'm crazy loon because of that too. My boyfriend is such a passionate anarchist with idealism within his reach. He's not always happy either but I think regular idiotic people have a lot to do with that. And when he speaks about his idealism of connected human beings, and how politics are so corrupt, and we as a human race are just a bacteria culture to the rest of the universe, I'm just Amazed. I'm dumbfounded, and interested and enjoy and revel in his beautiful mind, but most of all I'm jealous of the passion behind it. I lack passion sometimes. I mean I am passionate about things but they all soon fade away as such phases do but he has that everlasting passion and that is what I crave. I wwnt to do something, say something, see something, that makes my heart swell and has true beneficiaries to this place and too my life. That is so hard though when you don't even know what truly makes you happy.. I thought I did but I'm not so sure any more.